Desperate Soccer Moms

pAs the So Cal league play ended in December,it was time for severe reflection for many teams ,Coaches and parents, on where their team and child now stand ./p pLooking forward to State and National Cup, many players have been heavily recruited to change teams,before the freeze date occurred.For the teams improving their squad-JOY./p pFor teams losing their star players –misery and panic/p pParents bombarded with reasons why their current team is wrong for their child.Promises of a wonderful future if they move to the new Club.Lies, subterfuge and misinformation abound./p p1.You will never get a College Scholarship with your current Club!/p p2.To get noticed by ODP you have to play for the top Club/p p3.The Top Clubs have the best coaches/p p4.your current Club does not take teams thru to u18/p p5.You are wasting your time at that Club/p pOn the bright side, it is great to experience friendly rivalries amongst top teams who are not recruiting against each other in the same areas/p pMy under 13 boys team with 7 ODP players is excited to play this weekend in a round –robin with 4 of the top teams in the USA /p p1LAFC-our friends and respected opponents/p p2Nusport from Las Vegas-Huge mutual respect/p p3Sereno –Pride of Arizona/p p4Real So Cal-Superb National Level team/p pThis is the ultimate in terms of healthy ,high level competition/p pWill we come home from the games 0-4 or 4-0 or in between ?/p pWe do not know .But we do know we will play 4 great games,against great teams in an atmosphere of friendship and positive parental involvement /p pTruly what Competitive youth Soccer is about /p pLet the games begin/p pI will let you know how it goes this weekend(unless we lose all our games!!)-just joking—-Watch this space next week! /p

pAs the head coaches look at the budget for their Competitive Club/one thing stands out very clear-the amount of money given to scholarship players! Without doubt some players could not play Competitive soccer, if they had to pay the fees which can range from $1200-$2000 per year, plus travel and hotel costs.However,no Head –Coach can avoid noticing blatant abuse of the scholarship programs within their Club /p pOver the years I have had many parents ask for a scholarship for their child, even though they can obviously afford to pay the fees /p pSome situations are annoying and unbelievable./p pIn one situation the parent apologised for not attending a parent- meeting as he was in surgery for 10 hours-then asked for a scholarship .I mentioned how well he looked after 10 hours of surgery, only two days earlier.He pointed out that he was not the patient,but was in fact the brain surgeon who had performed the operation.He then proceeded to ask for a scholarship for his daughter.Stunned, I asked him why he needed it He replied that he saw the scholarship information and “it seemed like a good deal”./p pRecently we received a request for a scholarship from a family of five, who had just arrived back from a two week trip to Europe!/p pOften we see Scholarship players wearing $200 cleats,expensive pro club shirts and designer clothes and travel to LA to watch the Galaxy and David Beckham-OBVIOUSLY THEY ALSO WEAR HIS $70 SHIRT/p pThe”business” side of the scholarship “underworld” is both fascinating and sad.Young players being offered to the highest bidder(also depending on the level of the team). In some cases it is a given that some players are “always scholarship’” –without their parents even pretending financial hardship./p pWith the economy producing more genuine families in need of financial help, with their soccer fees, the day has arrived when all Clubs will now have to honestly deal with this rampant abuse of their Club income,supporting bogus scholarship players as a matter of expedience/p pI welcome your comments and experiences/p pJeff Illingworth/p

pThe end of a Summer of soccer discontent!!!/p pEarly in the year all the Competitive teams in Southern California held try –outs and formed teams#160; for the 2009-2010 upcoming season.For many coaches and parents hopes were high,with new players giving hopes of a bright future for their team./p pAs the summer arrived and tournaments began, disappointing results and limited playing time left some parents disenchanted and frustrated.Already some coaches have been removed from their jobs,teams have suddenly left one Club to go to another and the merry –go –round continues.Teams with great ambition have found Tournament wins hard to come by,having realised the incredible depth and quality present in Tournaments around Southern California/p pBefore the transfer ‘window’ arrived many players#160; parents were frantically running around getting transfer papers completed as they search for the “right coach” for their child.Final attempts to lure star players away from their teams were made at the last minute./p pWith the League season ready to begin ,the frantic Summer schedule of Camps training and Tournaments,comes to a halt.It is clear that very few soccer programs have gone thru the summer without some form of upheaval,or controversy.A coach from a local Club told me he had already been involved in five meetings with different parents in one team alone!In an ideal World,Summer, Soccer and Tournaments should be fun ,enjoyable and relaxing.In fact, the intense pressure can be seen in the behavior of both the coaches and the parents,screaming insanely on the sidelines.Maybe the hot weather breeds discontent and tension!/p pDuring the summer some large Clubs suffered the loss of top coaches and Quality Coaches,as the coaches look for a better deal or environment,or more money and opportunity.Head-Coaches work hard to keep their Programs stable,yet dynamic and progressive.Volunteer Board Members,often new to the job try(hopefully),to help their Club work smoothly/p pOne thing is for sure.This Summer in Competitive youth soccer has been full of politics,passion and musical-chairs./p pTime to enjoy League play against our local rivals-I hope you enjoy a calm,thrilling soccer season/p

As the level of competitive youth soccer continues to increase, the need for high quality players becomes vital, if a team is to continue to succeed at the top level. Most teams begin as a local group of players,competing at u8, playing against other local teams made up of kids from the same communities. Inevitably some young teams are obviously much stronger than most of the others and quickly acquire a reputation. If this powerhouse team belongs to a top youth soccer Club, the future for the less powerful Clubs is bleak.Inevitably the stronger players, in the weaker teams will eventually move towards the stronger team, in the high profile Club. By u12 there may only be one or two strong teams left in the City making some of the League games totally unbalanced even at the premier level.

What is interesting to see, is a great young team, belonging to a smaller “low profile” Club and how long before it begins to disintegrate? It is inevitable and sad to see.Why does this happen? It is the Law Of The Jungle-only the strong survive!! There are several ways the top Clubs eventually attract the top players. One is obviously because of their deserved National reputation, appealing to parents who naturally want the best for their child. A simpler way is to hire the coach of that successful team, knowing they have the ability to bring the team along with him/her. Few coaches have the strength of character, to turn down a big pay raise and the chance to coach at a high profile Club.

The methods of recruiting individual players are incredibly aggressive and often bordering on unethical.Offering players free cleats, shin guards and soccer equipment is a practice used to entice lower income children. Helping parents finding a job or work thru somebody in the Club, is a huge incentive to parents to move their child to another Club. With fees now often $1500 or more “scholarships ” may often be given. Not on financial grounds but on the importance of the player to the team. Providing transportation to and from training and games is in many cases crucial if the “STAR” players parents are unable or unwilling to do the driving

When recruiting players whose parents have limited or no English, having a parent in your Club who speaks the language and understands the culture and needs of that family is vital, to make them informed and feel comfortable. Too often coaches forget they are dealing with children NOT commodities!

Losing your best players to these recruiting practices, is often heartbreaking to a coach who is in it for the simple Love Of The Game. Loyalty from parents and players is often lacking and once a team starts to crumble it is usually too late to arrest the problem. Rarely,if ever do you see a smaller Club produce a National level team. Inevitably and inexorably, the top players gravitate to the Elite teams and the lesser Clubs finish with weaker, older programs

When you are recruiting on behalf of a top Club it is often so easy to impress the parents with the successes and National reputation of your Club. What I don’t like to see is Coaches denigrating other Clubs, often lying about the problems or weaknesses of their opposition. I have recruited many players over the past 28 years and I have also lost great players.Competitive youth soccer is exactly what it says-COMPETITIVE-not for the faint of heart. However, let us strive, as coaches to be ethical and respect the kids, parents and fellow coaches.

Best wishes,
Jeff Illingworth

Daily San Diego Soccer News Has just published the list of 50 most influential persons in San Diego Soccer. ( Link to the Story )

#3 - Jeff Illingworth: The co-founder and co-director of coaching at CV Manchester will increase his influence in the local community with the unveiling of his book, “Desperate Soccer Moms [And Dads],” a tale of his first 15 years of coaching in San Diego. In Part I of the paperback, the England transplant offers a candid look at the politics and inner workings of youth soccer in all the club’s he’s coached for, which includes Mission Bay Soccer Club, Hotspurs, La Jolla Nomads and Surf. In Part II, he plans to delve into the development of the DMCV Sharks into a local powerhouse and then co-founding CV Manchester right next door in 2001. The hoopla began in 1981 when he arrived in San Diego. The soccer community has never been the same. Illingworth’s former players include Chuggar Adair, TK Inbody and Frankie Hejduk. Both on the field and off, Illingworth is known for his whit and humor, which begged a successful standup comedian career in England.

With preseason tournaments in full progress, the thorny problem of borrowed players is once again facing coaches and parents. One certain way to create a Desperate Parent is to restrict their child’s playing time, because the coach plays a borrowed player for many minutes. How much should a borrowed player play? Should they ever start the game? What happens if the team reaches the Finals? There are several reasons for borrowing players for Tournaments. When a team suffers a string of injuries and the team is simply struggling for sufficient numbers.

In the case of my club CVMSC we have many children away on family vacations which is understandable during Summer school break. A more unique situation involves my U13 boys team playing in the upcoming Surf Cup Tournament. We currently have 14 very strong players on the roster, if we were to advance to the Finals on the Monday, we would be required to play 6 tough games in three days!!! Even avoiding injuries, we have seen from past experience that few of the players can perform at top level in the Semi Finals and Final game without regular breaks.  We know we need at least 16 or 17 players should we continue to advance requiring us to borrow 2 or 3 TOP Quality players. Problem 1, we don‘t really need them for the first game because my own regular 14 players are fresh and fit. Maybe the same for game 2! Can you really ask elite players to sit out and wait 2 games? What happens if we don ‘t advance and we only play a Total of 3 games? Also note that two of the boys (and their families) are travelling from Las Vegas to San Diego a 600 mile round trip just to play for us! Keeping our own parents and players happy is obviously vital, at the same time being fair to these quality borrowed guys and in this case all the players are high quality.

In past problems when teams have borrowed players with much greater skills than the regular team members, obviously the coach is tempted to play the borrowed star player to hopefully achieve greater success during the game and in the tournament. To lessen potential problems the coach should have a frank open discussion with the parents on their team before borrowing players. The coach should also have the same discussion with the players on their own team. It is also vital to be clear with the borrowed player and parents what the playing time policy will be throughout the tournament. It should be understood that the borrowed player and parents is giving up their weekend to help out the borrowing team.

I will let you know how it works out after the Surf Cup is over.

If you have opinions or have experienced these types of issues share with me the end result.

Best wishes for a great season,
Jeff Illingworth

In Calgary a heartbreaking story that began with a 22year old soccer male coach and one of his 14 year old girl players. Their illicit relationship continued for 8 years until the now 22 year old young lady ended the affair. Sadly and inexplicably, the coach/boyfriend then murdered her .

In all youth sports, romantic relationships develop between many coaches,parents and in some cases , unfortunately the players. Some relationships are healthy , if both parties are single and available and in many cases lead to marriage. However, in my 28 years in youth soccer in San Diego I have witnessed many unhealthy relationships develop which have led to broken marriages, lost coaching jobs and even jail time.

Because of the nature of the competitive youth soccer world, coaches often become extremely close to both the players and their parents. Often the coaches are invited to family parties and celebrations, being accepted as part of the ”inner-circle.” At away Tournaments the players, coaches and parents often stay at hotels together, with time in the evening to socialize in the restaurant or bar. These circumstances are usually good for building team morale and helping the coach and parents develop a strong bond together. Unfortunately, in some instances the relationships develop inappropriately, leading to devastating events, where the distraught husband, like the one described in my book, loses control totally.

Monitoring and controlling potentially explosive personal relationships, within a competitive youth soccer program often falls to the Head Coach/Director of Coaching – oftentimes unwillingly. It is tempting to ignore the difficult, embarrassing situation and hope it will ”Go Away” When the situation eventually explodes, it often damages far more people than just those in the relationship and can seriously undermine the Club itself. Recently, a Southern California Tennis coach conducting an illegal relationship with one of his young female students was arrested and his colleagues dismissed for choosing to ignore the situation they were aware of .

Awareness is the first key to avoiding, or correcting potentially damaging relationships within your soccer club. The need for the coaches to understand their professional duties and responsibilities to both the players and the parents.

Temptation will always be present,when you have young athleticsoccer coaches-often from foreign countries-working closely withtalented young athletes and attractive parents. Managing the situation and avoiding the pitfall, is the challenge for Coaching Directors and the Board of Directors of the soccer Clubs-UNFORTUNATELY!

Jeff Illingworth

As Director of Coaching for Carmel Valley Manchester Soccer Club, in San Diego, The Surf Cup is a BIG DEAL. Just being accepted is an honor. To win gives that team National exposure and credibility. Guaranteed acceptance requires success in State Cup or Nationals. Failing this a team must put together a strong argument, to convince the Tournament Selection Committee of their credentials and strength. Last year CVMSC had 5 teams accepted but this year only 2 of our teams earned a guaranteed invite. Our u12 girls team, coached by our talented Felicia Kappes reached the semi -final of CYSA Nationals, losing on penalties, for the second consecutive year in a heartbreaking thriller against Arsenal, the eventual winners.Our u10 boys, coached by my partner Billy Garton lost in the State Cup Final, 3-2 in the last second of a magical game.

Both of these teams had now secured their places in the Surf Cup for July 2009. My u12 boys team have played in the past 3 Surf Cups with great success-Winning in 2006, losing in2007 in the Final (both games against our good friends LAFC) and losing in the Quarter Final in 2008 in a Penalty Shoot -Out. However, with our loss in the last sixteen of Nationals, we left ourselves hoping for a sympathetic hearing on our application to the Surf Cup!

Why is this tournament so important to my Club?

1. Practically-the tournament is held only 5 minutes from our own home field-No hotels .No travel
2. An opportunity to play against many of the top Competitive teams in the USA
3. Magnificent fields-20-side by side
4. Impeccable organization
5. Fantastic weather
6. Great refereeing (Honestly!!)
7. Great food and entertainment

As the Decision Day grew closer my parents, players and myself became more tense by the day. We had made our case, showing our many Tournament successes during the past season, whilst emphasizing our great results in the past 3 Surf Cup Tournaments. A negative response would cast an early cloud over our early season preparations,  especially as we had added 4 great new players to last seasons team, including a National Level goalkeeper, 11years old and 5 foot 7inches tall!!!

Finally, the call came. We were IN!! For the first time in 30 years the Surf Cup had accepted 20 teams in one age group, due to the quality of the teams applying. We had made it -Barely.

With 6 weeks to go we are now in full training mode, to prepare for what will surely be a World Class U13 battle between Americas Finest.

I will let you know how all three of our teams do in my favorite Tournament.

If you have any comments or questions on the Surf Cup feel free to send them to me on my Web -Site  http://www.DesperateSoccerMoms.com

Best wishes
JeffIllingworth
Author of Desperate Soccer Moms (and Dads)

Jeff Illingworth began his soccer coaching career in Manchester England in 1971. Jeff taught Physical Education at two tough inner city high school clubs throughout England for 10 years, coaching several youth England International players.  During those 10 years he was also a successful standup comedian, working at hundreds of clubs all across Great Britain.

During his career as a comedian Jeff toured South Africa for three months in 1974, entertaining in Durban and Capetown. Reading his book Desperate Soccer Moms, you will appreciate his great wit and storytelling genius. This great book takes the reader from laughter to tears of sadness as the incredible events unfold during Jeff’s first 15 years in his new home in San Diego.  In the seemingly blissful world of coaching youth soccer in Americas Finest City, the never ending politics and parental interference is frightening.  Just how much a simple, pro-youth soccer coach touches the inner soul of so many soccer families is stunning.

Jeff and his then wife Pauline, fell in love with San Diego during a vacation to California in the 1970’s and decided to make it their home in 1981.  Arriving with no jobs, no work permits and no real friends, they set out on their challenge to create a new life in the USA.

With youth soccer in its infancy, there seemed little opportunity for a successful career in coaching. This is the story of this mans incredible involvement in helping the program to reach world class level so quickly through 15 years of stunning successes and heartbreaking losses.

Jeff is currently Director of Coaching at Carmel Valley Manchester Soccer Club (CVMSC) in San Diego. Jeff co-founded the club in 2001 beginning with 5 teams.  CVMSC now has 25 teams and is one of the top competitive youth soccer programs in the USA.

The views and opinions in this book are Jeff Illingworth’s alone and not in anyway connected with CVMSC Board of Directors, nor his partner, the head coach at CVMSC.