Desperate Soccer Moms

With preseason tournaments in full progress, the thorny problem of borrowed players is once again facing coaches and parents. One certain way to create a Desperate Parent is to restrict their child’s playing time, because the coach plays a borrowed player for many minutes. How much should a borrowed player play? Should they ever start the game? What happens if the team reaches the Finals? There are several reasons for borrowing players for Tournaments. When a team suffers a string of injuries and the team is simply struggling for sufficient numbers.

In the case of my club CVMSC we have many children away on family vacations which is understandable during Summer school break. A more unique situation involves my U13 boys team playing in the upcoming Surf Cup Tournament. We currently have 14 very strong players on the roster, if we were to advance to the Finals on the Monday, we would be required to play 6 tough games in three days!!! Even avoiding injuries, we have seen from past experience that few of the players can perform at top level in the Semi Finals and Final game without regular breaks.  We know we need at least 16 or 17 players should we continue to advance requiring us to borrow 2 or 3 TOP Quality players. Problem 1, we don‘t really need them for the first game because my own regular 14 players are fresh and fit. Maybe the same for game 2! Can you really ask elite players to sit out and wait 2 games? What happens if we don ‘t advance and we only play a Total of 3 games? Also note that two of the boys (and their families) are travelling from Las Vegas to San Diego a 600 mile round trip just to play for us! Keeping our own parents and players happy is obviously vital, at the same time being fair to these quality borrowed guys and in this case all the players are high quality.

In past problems when teams have borrowed players with much greater skills than the regular team members, obviously the coach is tempted to play the borrowed star player to hopefully achieve greater success during the game and in the tournament. To lessen potential problems the coach should have a frank open discussion with the parents on their team before borrowing players. The coach should also have the same discussion with the players on their own team. It is also vital to be clear with the borrowed player and parents what the playing time policy will be throughout the tournament. It should be understood that the borrowed player and parents is giving up their weekend to help out the borrowing team.

I will let you know how it works out after the Surf Cup is over.

If you have opinions or have experienced these types of issues share with me the end result.

Best wishes for a great season,
Jeff Illingworth

In Calgary a heartbreaking story that began with a 22year old soccer male coach and one of his 14 year old girl players. Their illicit relationship continued for 8 years until the now 22 year old young lady ended the affair. Sadly and inexplicably, the coach/boyfriend then murdered her .

In all youth sports, romantic relationships develop between many coaches,parents and in some cases , unfortunately the players. Some relationships are healthy , if both parties are single and available and in many cases lead to marriage. However, in my 28 years in youth soccer in San Diego I have witnessed many unhealthy relationships develop which have led to broken marriages, lost coaching jobs and even jail time.

Because of the nature of the competitive youth soccer world, coaches often become extremely close to both the players and their parents. Often the coaches are invited to family parties and celebrations, being accepted as part of the ”inner-circle.” At away Tournaments the players, coaches and parents often stay at hotels together, with time in the evening to socialize in the restaurant or bar. These circumstances are usually good for building team morale and helping the coach and parents develop a strong bond together. Unfortunately, in some instances the relationships develop inappropriately, leading to devastating events, where the distraught husband, like the one described in my book, loses control totally.

Monitoring and controlling potentially explosive personal relationships, within a competitive youth soccer program often falls to the Head Coach/Director of Coaching – oftentimes unwillingly. It is tempting to ignore the difficult, embarrassing situation and hope it will ”Go Away” When the situation eventually explodes, it often damages far more people than just those in the relationship and can seriously undermine the Club itself. Recently, a Southern California Tennis coach conducting an illegal relationship with one of his young female students was arrested and his colleagues dismissed for choosing to ignore the situation they were aware of .

Awareness is the first key to avoiding, or correcting potentially damaging relationships within your soccer club. The need for the coaches to understand their professional duties and responsibilities to both the players and the parents.

Temptation will always be present,when you have young athleticsoccer coaches-often from foreign countries-working closely withtalented young athletes and attractive parents. Managing the situation and avoiding the pitfall, is the challenge for Coaching Directors and the Board of Directors of the soccer Clubs-UNFORTUNATELY!

Jeff Illingworth

As Director of Coaching for Carmel Valley Manchester Soccer Club, in San Diego, The Surf Cup is a BIG DEAL. Just being accepted is an honor. To win gives that team National exposure and credibility. Guaranteed acceptance requires success in State Cup or Nationals. Failing this a team must put together a strong argument, to convince the Tournament Selection Committee of their credentials and strength. Last year CVMSC had 5 teams accepted but this year only 2 of our teams earned a guaranteed invite. Our u12 girls team, coached by our talented Felicia Kappes reached the semi -final of CYSA Nationals, losing on penalties, for the second consecutive year in a heartbreaking thriller against Arsenal, the eventual winners.Our u10 boys, coached by my partner Billy Garton lost in the State Cup Final, 3-2 in the last second of a magical game.

Both of these teams had now secured their places in the Surf Cup for July 2009. My u12 boys team have played in the past 3 Surf Cups with great success-Winning in 2006, losing in2007 in the Final (both games against our good friends LAFC) and losing in the Quarter Final in 2008 in a Penalty Shoot -Out. However, with our loss in the last sixteen of Nationals, we left ourselves hoping for a sympathetic hearing on our application to the Surf Cup!

Why is this tournament so important to my Club?

1. Practically-the tournament is held only 5 minutes from our own home field-No hotels .No travel
2. An opportunity to play against many of the top Competitive teams in the USA
3. Magnificent fields-20-side by side
4. Impeccable organization
5. Fantastic weather
6. Great refereeing (Honestly!!)
7. Great food and entertainment

As the Decision Day grew closer my parents, players and myself became more tense by the day. We had made our case, showing our many Tournament successes during the past season, whilst emphasizing our great results in the past 3 Surf Cup Tournaments. A negative response would cast an early cloud over our early season preparations,  especially as we had added 4 great new players to last seasons team, including a National Level goalkeeper, 11years old and 5 foot 7inches tall!!!

Finally, the call came. We were IN!! For the first time in 30 years the Surf Cup had accepted 20 teams in one age group, due to the quality of the teams applying. We had made it -Barely.

With 6 weeks to go we are now in full training mode, to prepare for what will surely be a World Class U13 battle between Americas Finest.

I will let you know how all three of our teams do in my favorite Tournament.

If you have any comments or questions on the Surf Cup feel free to send them to me on my Web -Site  http://www.DesperateSoccerMoms.com

Best wishes
JeffIllingworth
Author of Desperate Soccer Moms (and Dads)

Jeff Illingworth began his soccer coaching career in Manchester England in 1971. Jeff taught Physical Education at two tough inner city high school clubs throughout England for 10 years, coaching several youth England International players.  During those 10 years he was also a successful standup comedian, working at hundreds of clubs all across Great Britain.

During his career as a comedian Jeff toured South Africa for three months in 1974, entertaining in Durban and Capetown. Reading his book Desperate Soccer Moms, you will appreciate his great wit and storytelling genius. This great book takes the reader from laughter to tears of sadness as the incredible events unfold during Jeff’s first 15 years in his new home in San Diego.  In the seemingly blissful world of coaching youth soccer in Americas Finest City, the never ending politics and parental interference is frightening.  Just how much a simple, pro-youth soccer coach touches the inner soul of so many soccer families is stunning.

Jeff and his then wife Pauline, fell in love with San Diego during a vacation to California in the 1970’s and decided to make it their home in 1981.  Arriving with no jobs, no work permits and no real friends, they set out on their challenge to create a new life in the USA.

With youth soccer in its infancy, there seemed little opportunity for a successful career in coaching. This is the story of this mans incredible involvement in helping the program to reach world class level so quickly through 15 years of stunning successes and heartbreaking losses.

Jeff is currently Director of Coaching at Carmel Valley Manchester Soccer Club (CVMSC) in San Diego. Jeff co-founded the club in 2001 beginning with 5 teams.  CVMSC now has 25 teams and is one of the top competitive youth soccer programs in the USA.

The views and opinions in this book are Jeff Illingworth’s alone and not in anyway connected with CVMSC Board of Directors, nor his partner, the head coach at CVMSC.

Christiano Ronaldo & Jeff Illingworth

Jeff Illingworth with the worlds greatest soccer player Christiano Ronaldo (Ronaldo is the guy on the left)

Jeff immigrated to San Diego, California in July 1981 from the hotbed of soccer Manchester, England. Since 1981, he has been totally involved in the incredible growth and development of youth soccer in Southern California – an area believed by many experts to be home to many of America’s top youth soccer programs. Not only has Jeff coached at these programs, he is responsible for founding and developing several of his own programs. With 27 years experience, Jeff’s career has seen him achieve incredible highs and success, mixed with painful failures and heartbreak.

This book is not about pointing fingers or giving blame. It is a frank, factual, and vivid description of this mammoth cultural phenomenon – US Youth Soccer. Few parents know or understand the incredible, behind the scenes, politics and power struggles that occur daily in many soccer programs.Fortunately, the purity of the game of soccer always rises above these negatives.

The “beautiful game” played by beautiful kids.

“Soccer is not about life and death. It is more important than that!”
Bill Shankley – Liverpool Manager, 1970’s